I’m a product of the sixties. The I am woman. Hear me roar generation. While watching my mom bow and scrape to my father, I determined. Nope. Not me. I will not be a doormat. I’ve been liberated.
During the following tumultuous years, I attempted to walk that treacherous tightrope between what I knew God said and what the world offered.
The teacher of our young married Sunday School class often repeated, “Yes, my husband is the head of our home. But, I’m the neck that turns the head.”
Being immature and illiterate in the Word of God, I thought what a brilliant woman and I used her words as permission to hone my aggressive and manipulative behavioral skills.
Until a divorce and second marriage was in trouble. Then I read 1 Peter 3:16:
“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of the wives. . . Do not let your adornment be merely outward— arranging the hair wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. . .”
In my mind, submission conjured those doormat images. And a gentle and quiet spirit spoke of a mousy little woman who brought nothing into a relationship.
I needed truth.
I pulled my Strong’s Concordance off the shelf and began to dissect 1 Peter 3:4.
According to Strong’s, “Quiet indicates tranquility arising from within, causing no disturbance to others.”
Tranquil would not have been the adjective of choice to describe me. A porcupine with quills aimed and ready to fire would.
Strong’s said gentle or meek is, “the opposite of self-assertiveness and self-interest.”
I didn’t qualify in that category either.
The book continued. “A gentle or meek disposition trusts in God’s goodness and control over every situation. This is a work of the Holy Spirit, not human will.”
I had missed the mark of understanding so many years ago, but knew if I didn’t find it, this second marriage would also be doomed. I prayed—Please God, let me understand what your Word says and what that teacher meant.
I understood the neck is a column of tissue, muscles and vessels that support and allow the head to pivot. It connects the head to the rest of the body. To be functional it must be perfectly aligned, strong, and able to bear and bolster the head.
The Word tells me He appointed my husband as the overseer of our family and that the man I married remains accountable to God—whether I agree or whether my husband accepts the job God gave him. Because, “His word is forever settled in heaven” (Psalm 119:89).
In order to make wise decisions for our family, my husband must be able to survey every situation with unrestricted vision. Now a pain in my neck inhibits my range of motion and my ability to see without restraint.
The Spirit spoke to my heart.
Had I placed limitations on my husband’s ability to see because of my stiff and prideful neck? Had I prevented him from following God’s instructions? Had I inserted my words in place of God’s Word?
My answer had to be yes. More times than I dare admit, I colored his judgment with my coarse words, distracted him by my ungodly actions, and diverted him with my perverted understanding.
But our Lord is a God of second chances and has forgiven me and given me a formidable assignment. I am accountable to be that stable support for my husband. If my spiritual life is ramshackle and out-of-plumb, my husband and children, will suffer the pain of costly repairs or perhaps even life-altering consequences.
My spirit needs to function in serene quietness and that’s not my nature. Only God’s Spirit can accomplish that in me as I allow Him to transform my deceptive heart.
How about you, precious wife? We have only to look at the family unit in America today to know that something is very wrong. Our God is a God of order. Look at the universe and contemplate its order. Could it be we’ve been deceived about our marriages? Our homes? Our mission?
God did not call us to be weak, mousy, doormats. Nor did He call us to be obnoxious, roaring lionesses, but women filled with His grace and strength. Will you let God give you the ability to be that tranquil, gentle, and courageous neck that supports and turns the head of your family?
MOVING THE ANCIENT BOUNDARIES 