ANYONE OUT THERE GRIEVING? RAISE YOUR HANDS
December 19, 2014 by dianegates
Fourteen years—fourteen years since that first Christmas without our daughter. We think we’ve
healed, but the decorations go up, the carols play, and we’re swept back into that emotional time warp of holidays past and once again deep scars of grief are probed and our hearts ache.
Last year was a major milestone for me, during an unexpected meltdown, a dear friend reminded me, “You don’t have to keep going down the same road.”
For thirteen years I drug out the same tree, put everything in the same place, administered CPR to old memories, choosing to cling to the past, choosing to hang each one of those gut-wrenching ornaments on our tree. And each year the process became more difficult. And I found out the hard way, it hurts when God has to pry my fingers off the past in order to move me forward today.
Two December blogs of 2013, Is Jesus Enough and Storm to Storm—Faith to Faith, https://dianegates.wordpress.com/ recount what happened and how God used my dear friend’s words to bless my heart and change my life.
This year we have a new tree, many of the same 
ornaments, but those scab-ripper ornaments are packed away, waiting for children and grandchildren’s trees, where they will be treasures not idols. I’ve chosen to take a new, less bumpy road through this year’s Christmas celebration.
I don’t see any raised hands, but I see some of you reaching for Kleenex, and I see and hear your sniffles. And I know if this is your first Christmas after the loss of one you love, you wish you’d gone to sleep before Thanksgiving and could stay in bed with the covers over your head ‘til January of 2015.
Scripture tells us our emotions mirror God’s emotions because we were created in the image of God. We read of His anger, His forgiveness, and His love. We’re in good company.
Consider the turmoil God must have suffered nine months prior to that special night when the Spirit of God overshadowed Mary. For the first time ever, the Father, Son, and Spirit were physically separated. The Son left the realm of His Father’s glory, relinquishing His rights, His comfort, and confined Himself to a pitiful human body so you and I and our loved ones might live.
The separation was the Father’s choosing, planned before the foundation of the world, and the Son was willing. Willing to pay the price.
But I wonder if knowing all the whys and wherefores made it any less difficult for God? If you had known beforehand when and how your loved one would die, would that have made your grief more bearable?
Father, Son, and Spirit knew the necessity of the sacrifice and the cost of the victory—down to every lash Jesus would endure. But as the time arrived for that miraculous conception did God
experience sadness and grief over the pain and horror He knew His Son must experience before the final victory was won?
We glamorize and commercialize the manger scene in Bethlehem. There were no wise men from the East that night with the 
shepherds. They arrived two years later. Our little nativity sets are beautiful and touching. But I’m afraid we’ve lost the awe, the deep sacrifice, and the eternal majesty of that night.
Dr. Paul David Tripp says: “God’s story is a life-death-life story. And we are in the middle of that story, having just experienced the life-death cycle thus far.”
So what better time to consider this miracle of God’s story than during the pain and sorrow of our own loss? And what better time to be quiet before God, asking Him to teach and ground us in the truth? His Son, His only Son, entered this world to lie in a manger, die on a cross, to become our forever Savior and King!
God’s amazing life-death-life story.
SILENT NIGHT—HOLY NIGHT keeps whispering in my soul. The night angels brought the message of God’s good will rather than His wrath. The night God announced the arrival of the long promised Messiah. The night the angels sang to bleating lambs and lowly shepherds. But all heaven knew there would be great pain and sorrow on this earth and in our lives before joy reigned forever.
“An angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were greatly afraid. And the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be to all people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find the baby wrapped in cloths, and lying in a manger.’ And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying: “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will towards men” (Luke 2:9-14 KJV).
I know your soul groans and you hurt, but in the depths of your dark night of grief will you accept comfort, knowing God has experienced and understands what you’re going through? I know from years experience—yes, you can.
And God’s message to you and me today is the same word He sent to those frightened shepherds. Don’t be afraid. Jesus is with you. He completed the Father’s life-death-life plan established before the foundation of the world. He knows your pain and sorrow and is engaged in enlarging your heart’s capacity for His joy through this roto-rooter of grief. You can rest in Him. You can rely on Him. You can trust Him. He loves you and promises to wrap you in His comfort and care ‘til we can raise our hands to worship and praise King Jesus!
Posted in A Nation Divided | Tagged God grieves, Grieving at Christmas, Jesus is our comforter, The lessons of grief | 15 Comments
MOVING THE ANCIENT BOUNDARIES 
[…] ANYONE OUT THERE GRIEVING? RAISE YOUR HANDS. […]
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Today would have been my 38th anniversary, yet I am not grieving. It was an emotionally abusive marriage and the last fourteen years hellish. He was not faithful, was addicted to porn and deeply depressed, but I stuck it out and buried him four years ago. God shielded me and guided me through those last years and protected my heart from the pain of living in separate rooms with no physical contact (his choice.) The shackles are gone and I dance.
Even so, this year I had to toss the little tree we bought 36 years ago and there was a deep grief…possibly for the first few years of love that then died in his eyes for me long before they closed in death. Maybe for the poor choice I made in spouses and that I never knew the deep love of a faith-filled Christian man. But I rejoice that I have an eternal love in my Savior and that this temporal existence is only a passage. His love is more than I deserve and ever faithful. Jesus is the true gift of Christmas.
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Julie, I’ve heard a learned preacher say “God never uses anyone mightily unless He wounds them deeply.” You and I know we learned so many lessons during those hellish years, lessons we would never have learned otherwise. Doesn’t mean those years were tolerable. No. But God was with you and me. He schooled us, just like He did with Joseph in Pharaoh’s prison.
I long for the day when we see Jesus, face-to-face, and I look in His eyes and know I will see all the love my soul has longed for. And in the Book of Isaiah God promises to be the husband of the widow! And there could be no greater husband. Merry Christmas dear friend. And I pray God’s abundant blessings for you in 2015 with the release of your two new books.
DiAne
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A beautiful post, DiAne. I won’t even say “difficult but beautiful,” because the Truth simply IS beautiful. Sometimes it’s hard to face, but inevitably it makes life easier to live. I’ve been coming to new roads slowly in the past couple of years, but I think I’m getting there…with the help of God and good friends and advisors like you. Thank you. And Sweet Christmas!
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“I’ve been coming to new roads…but think I’m getting there with the help of God…”
That’s what it’s all about, Kathleen, God’s promise to transform those who believe in Him into the image of the Lord Jesus Christ. And that transformation takes a lifetime.
Blessings on you and all your family during this Holy Season and always.
DiAne
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I am praying for you that you may find relief in the comforter our Holy Spirit
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Bob, thank you for your prayers and yes, the Comforter does give me and all of us the strength and peace to move forward and the wisdom to move on. But this side of heaven there will always be scars of sadness caused by loss and grieving that ache when the weather of our emotions change. And this is not only normal, it’s necessary. That’s why God gave us His Spirit to abide in us, to teach us where the power is and how to access that power in time of need.
Thank you for reading and responding.
Merry Christmas!
DiAne
http://floridagirlturnedtexan.wordpress.com
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DiAne,
I’ve always been amazed at the beautiful way you describe things. This blog is extra special and such a gift to anyone touched by grief. I cried some tears tonight over the loss of my two special moms. Christmas memories do indeed make us more vulnerable to the pain. Thanks for reminding me of God’s perspective and what mine can be.
Merry Christmas.
Love you!
Kathie
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Kathie, thank you for your kind words, but I look around and see so many hurting folks during the holidays. Would that this post would make us all mindful of those we come in contact with who seem troubled or lonely. That’s what Christmas is all about.
Merry Christmas to you and your family too.
Hugs…DiAne
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This is beautiful, and so full of good advice from someone who has walked that road, your words carry great weight. Thank you!
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I’ve often said that I love the old hymns because they were blood-bought and cherished as such through so many storms and so many ages.
The same is true for the stories of the suffering of the saints.
I know your message is bound to continue maturing until many will come to it for help through their own difficult times.
Thanks for bravely sharing it with the world. ❤ K
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Thanks Katharine. Our current GriefShare group has so many hurting folks. And if we took the time to look around, we would see they are everywhere. I know I keep talking about grief and how to process this difficult life experience and keep sometimes trudging and sometimes dancing on. If I can reach one person and point them to Jesus for help, hope, and healing, that’s what He’s called me to do.
And the same with your home schooling. Would that moms and dads could see the invaluable experience for themselves as well as their children and our nation.
Happy New Year!
DiAne
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Diane, Nancy Bolton gave me THIS link to contact you from where I visited her site. You won one of my books (WWII historical romantic suspense: With Music in Their Hearts). Would you like a kindle copy or print? Let me know at browncarole212(at)yahoo(dot)com
btw: poignant and touching post. My heart hurts for those who are missing loved ones and friends at this time of the year especially. Thanks for sharing.
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Carole, Yay! Can’t wait to ready your book I’d like a print…don’t have a Kindle yet. Thanks for reading and commenting on my blog post. Happy New Year.
DiAne
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